I immediately started sketching and drew hundreds of shoes within the first month or so after I had my aha moment. That is when I realized that after years of drawing blue prints and sections I was not a very good artist, I enrolled in art classes.
I also realized that I didn’t seem to have enough time in the day, after I worked and took care of my family that left me with only the late night hours to pursue my dream. I was looking for a way to add hours to the day and feeling frustrated that there never seemed to be enough time. I was also smoking at the time, in fact I had smoked for a total of 18 years. One day my son had asked me to do something and I told him to wait until I finished my cigarette, he said how long will that be? Another epiphany, how long does it take to smoke a cigarette? When I added the time in my head I thought “if I took that time working on the shoe business instead of smoking that’s where I can find extra time in my day.” I had tried to quit before with no success but, my son was getting to the age where he would ask me why I smoked to which I always felt quite a bit of shame. What do you say to your child about that? I also knew that if he grew up seeing me smoke that I would never have any way to convince him not to if he wanted to pick up the habit. I knew how hard it had been for me and the last thing I wanted for him was to follow these footsteps.
So I pulled out my prescription for Chantix that my doctor had given me long ago and I had it filled. I didn’t tell anyone what I was doing because to be honest I really didn’t think it would work and I didn’t want people babysitting me and making me feel bad when I failed. It’s funny I had always heard that when you’re ready to quit you just know. I think between feeling guilty as a mom, needing more time for my dream and just being plain old tired of this habit that I had carried for so long was what I needed. I took my first dose of the medicine on August 3rd, a week before my birthday and my last cigarette was on August 16, 2007. I have not had one drag since, anyone who has ever smoked knows what a big deal this is. The reason I chose to share this as part of the shoe story is because it has been a profound motivator for me. In my mind I had smoked for so long that it was just as much a part of me as was my arm so I had mentally given up on the idea that I could ever really quit. Having been able to do it was and is something I look at and say if I can do that, I can do this.
I also want to say that I do not judge anyone who does smoke because each of us has to go through our own process and I always hated that some would look down on me for that as if I was not a good person, I am the same person either way I just feel more powerful having beat one of my personal demons.
On a side note I loved Chantix, some people really hate it as it comes with some strange side affects but the way I see it was that I used the medicine for 3 months and I quit smoking forever.