The adventures and musings of an aspiring shoe designer

I immediately started sketching and drew hundreds of shoes within the first month or so after I had my aha moment.  That is when I realized that after years of drawing blue prints and sections I was not a very good artist, I enrolled in art classes.   

I also realized that I didn’t seem to have enough time in the day, after I worked and took care of my family that left me with only the late night hours to pursue my dream. I was looking for a way to add hours to the day and feeling frustrated that there never seemed to be enough time.  I was also smoking at the time, in fact I had smoked for a total of 18 years.  One day my son had asked me to do something and I told him to wait until I finished my cigarette, he said how long will that be?  Another epiphany, how long does it take to smoke a cigarette?  When I added the time in my head I thought “if I took that time working on the shoe business instead of smoking that’s where I can find extra time in my day.”  I had tried to quit before with no success but, my son was getting to the age where he would ask me why I smoked to which I always felt quite a bit of shame.  What do you say to your child about that?  I also knew that if he grew up seeing me smoke that I would never have any way to convince him not to if he wanted to pick up the habit.  I knew how hard it had been for me and the last thing I wanted for him was to follow these footsteps. 

So I pulled out my prescription for Chantix that my doctor had given me long ago and I had it filled.  I didn’t tell anyone what I was doing because to be honest I really didn’t think it would work and I didn’t want people babysitting me and making me feel bad when I failed.  It’s funny I had always heard that when you’re ready to quit you just know.  I think between feeling guilty as a mom, needing more time for my dream and just being plain old tired of  this habit that I had carried for so long was what I needed.  I took my first dose of the medicine on August 3rd, a week before my birthday and my last cigarette was on August 16, 2007.  I have not had one drag since, anyone who has ever smoked knows what a big deal this is.  The reason I chose to share this as part of the shoe story is because it has been a profound motivator for me.  In my mind I had smoked for so long that it was just as much a part of me as was my arm so I had mentally given up on the idea that I could ever really quit.  Having  been able to do it was and is something I look at and say if I can do that, I can do this. 

I also want to say that I do not judge anyone who does smoke because each of us has to go through our own process and I always hated that some would look down on me for that as if I was not a good person, I am the same person either way I just feel more powerful having beat one of my personal demons.

On a side note I loved Chantix, some people really hate it as it comes with some strange side affects but the way I see it was that I used the medicine for 3 months and I quit smoking forever.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: