I am so glad that I kept notes along the way because I find it very interesting to look back and see where I was mentally at the different times in my life. I have also found it useful because hindsight is so educational, I find that I am able to see why or where I went off track and with that knowledge hopefully make better future decisions. The following has been pieced together from my notes so these do reflect some of my past thoughts, which may or may not be reflective of my current thoughts.
I had been living with; I guess you could call it a low-level unease and was very restless, I was searching, searching for myself I guess. That’s when I saw Oprah‘s show on the Secret, which really got me excited about life again. I used to be an interior designer and many times I felt like I wasn’t doing what I was meant to do. I used to wonder what was wrong with me; I had a good job, a great family we were doing alright financially but, there was no passion. I had people tell me that they wish they could do what I did but somehow designing Kitchens, furniture and offices just wasn’t cutting it. I also had the thought many times that what I was doing really had no meaning. I wasn’t making a difference to the world. I’ve always been really passionate about many different things. I especially am concerned with children and animals; specifically dogs. I’ve always felt that I don’t have enough money or time, I feel that I need to do more, something that really makes a difference.
Around this time I started doing yoga and meditating, after watching the secret I started asking myself what do I want to be. It seemed like everyone around me knew what they were supposed to be doing but here I was with 2 degrees and still not finding what gave me reason to jump out of bed in the morning. Then one day it hit me, almost felt like lightning (thinking back to that moment I can still remember exactly how I felt, it really was one of those moments that is etched permanently in your memory). I should design shoes, I love shoes and not just like most women love shoes; I have always been somewhat obsessed with them. I knew for sure I was on the right path when I called my best girlfriend, who knows me better than I know myself. When I told her about designing shoes her exact statement was “Oh my God, I can’t believe I didn’t think of that for you, you’re right that’s exactly what you should be doing.”
Once I had the original thought it was like the floodgates opened. Ideas came to me almost as if I were being fed information, I was just the receiver. When I sat down to draw it was like something else was taking over. I would look down and think I don’t know where that came from. Many things were happening at this time. It’s funny once I had the original inspiration I never once questioned it, I know this is what I’m supposed to do.